As a teenager, the writer says social confidence did not come easily. During school in the early 2010s, new social situations could lead to nights spent awake, worrying about what might happen the following day.
At the time, they dismissed the experience as nerves. Looking back, the writer now describes it as social anxiety, although the account does not include a formal diagnosis.
When social situations became overwhelming
The writer shared a friendship group with their twin sister and often hid behind her. As the sisters grew older, the twin’s increasing confidence made the writer more aware of their own difficulties.
By their late teens, the writer says they often built social situations up to an unbearable point and frequently stayed away. Their mother eventually found them a therapist, whom the writer describes as phenomenal.
Near the end of therapy, the therapist asked two questions: “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” and then, “And then what?”
Tracing the fear to its aftermath
The writer’s answer was that they might feel embarrassed, not know what to say and make an idiot of themselves. Then came the second part of the reflection: they would go home and go to bed.
The therapist responded that the writer would wake up the next day, start again and the experience would be over.
For the writer, this exchange helped interrupt the mind’s tendency to race ahead and imagine problems that were, in their view, more than likely not going to happen. The questions did not remove every anxious moment, but gave them a way to consider what might happen after the feared event.
Using the questions in real situations
The writer remembers using the questions on their first day at university, when they had to introduce themselves and share a “fun fact” with a room full of strangers. Three years later, they graduated with a first-class degree and say they had not thought about that introduction again until writing about it.
Dates had previously felt especially difficult. The writer says they sometimes cancelled at the last minute or drank heavily to get through them. Shortly after finishing therapy, they went on a date while thinking about the two questions and did not feel physically sick at the prospect of going.
The same mental exercise also accompanied other anxiety-inducing moments, including job interviews and moving from the UK to Australia with their boyfriend. More recently, the writer says it helped after unexpectedly seeing an old school friend in Tesco.
A personal perspective, not a universal solution
The two questions are presented as one person’s reminder to look beyond the feared moment and consider its aftermath. They are not described as a replacement for therapy or as a guaranteed way to manage anxiety.
For this writer, the questions became a way to return to the present when worry made a social situation feel larger than it was. Their account also shows why support can matter: the questions emerged within therapy, after years of avoiding situations that felt overwhelming.
AI tools were used to assist with the preparation of this article.
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