How one song helped a music engineer stop hiding his depression

For one recording and mix engineer, a song became the moment he could no longer ignore how he was feeling.

He was driving past John Lewis on the M40 with his wife and stepdaughter when Raye’s “I Know You’re Hurting” made him realise he was crying. He says he had been struggling with his mental health for two decades, while hiding it from both his family and himself.

A difficult period came into focus

The engineer, who has worked in music since he was 21, says the last few years had been particularly difficult. He describes the combined impact of Covid, a divorce, becoming a stepfather to teenagers and turning 50.

Earlier in his career, he says, he sometimes worked between 80 and 100 hours a week. Although he had tried cognitive behavioural therapy several times, he felt he was talking about his difficulties without acting on the steps discussed.

His wife had suggested speaking to a GP about antidepressants a couple of years earlier. He says he was reluctant because he feared medication would affect his creativity.

From recognition to asking for help

The song’s lyrics helped him accept that he was struggling and that he did not have to continue dealing with it alone. Two months after hearing it, he made an appointment with a GP and was prescribed antidepressants.

He also began music therapy. He says exploring his thoughts through music has been more effective for him than CBT, although this is his personal experience rather than a general conclusion about either approach.

His music therapist encouraged him to write a song. He says the lyrics came out in an hour. He later got a tattoo featuring the musical notes of the line “close your eyes and let this music get to working” to commemorate the song’s impact on his life.

What changed for him

Four months after starting antidepressants and music therapy, he says he argues less, lets things go more easily and feels he is a better husband and father to his son and stepdaughters. His family has also noticed a change and often tells him he seems happier.

He says the medication did not take away his creativity. Instead, he feels it opened up space for him to access it. He returns to Raye’s album This Music May Contain Hope when he needs reminding that hope can be found.

Why his account matters

The story illustrates how recognising distress can sometimes begin with an unexpected moment of connection. For him, hearing his experience articulated in a song made it possible to acknowledge what he had been concealing and take a first step towards support.

Treatment decisions are personal. A GP, therapist or other qualified professional can help someone consider appropriate options, including talking therapies or medication. The effects described here belong to the writer and should not be treated as a promise of what another person will experience.

The source also provides mental-health support contacts for people in the UK, the US and Australia.

AI tools were used to assist with the preparation of this article.